Deal
by ruuz
Summary: It started with Axel and some chick and then a bet was made regarding Roxas' virginity. And now time is running out. AkuRoku with hints of Zemyx. -oneshot-


WARNING: STRONG SEXUAL IMPLICATIONS! and POTTYMOUTHS GALORE! :D  
DISCLAIMER: It belonged to me. Somebody bought it for me for Hanukah. But then they found out that I'm not actually Jewish—everyone just thinks I am—so they took it away and I cried  
DEDICATIONS: For everybody who has reviewed—and especially to those wonderful people who I frequently exchange PMs with. You guys all make me smile like a fool. Thanks :)

Um...not much to say. I shouldn't watch poker on TV ever again...or maybe I should do it more often...  
Enjoy!  
ps. y'know those random space in the middle of the portions? there was supposed to be a ... to signify silence--so as to not have confusion over who is speaking. But alas FF keeps getting rid of them so when those spaces appear its intentional--it signifies a silence (generally of the awkward variety)  
Just in case there was confusion!  
No, seriously, I'm done.  
Enjoy :)

* * *

"You...did what?"  
"Sex. It's not that difficult of a concept, really."  
"But what if you get pregnant?!"  
"...boys don't get pregnant, moron."  
"But what if your mother stood too close to the microwave when she was with you and you're secretly radioactive but not in a Spiderman way. In a Preggo-man way. Or something."  
"This is a joke right? Because you're starting to sound like Demyx."  
"I'm serious this time! WHAT IF YOU HAVE A BABY?! YOU AREN'T READY TO BE A MOTHER!"  
"Please. Please. _Please. _Tell me that you aren't actually serious."

"You are, aren't you?"

"Ugh! Fucking virgins and their...virginity."  
"You were a virgin up until less than twenty four hours ago!"  
"But now I'm not. Which makes me eligible to mock you and you're naivety."  
"Oh shut up, you probably cried or something."  
"Did not."  
"Did too."  
"Not."  
"Too."  
"WILL YOU GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP!? I DON'T NEED TO THINK ABOUT AXEL HAVING SEX ANYMORE! IT'S ALREADY BURNING MY MIND PAINFULLY!"  
"Kay, Lark. Sorry."  
"Not." Axel muttered, just to be obnoxious.  
"I SAID SHUT UP!" They looked fearfully at the blonde who had picked up a kitchen knife from her bedroom floor.  
"Fuck." Roxas said, backing away.  
"I have. And it was wonderful!" Axel sang as he dove out of Larxene's room, and the danger of Roxas' slightly homicidal sister with a very large, very sharp knife.  
"AND DON'T COME BACK!" she bellowed, slamming her door as the boys took refuge in Roxas' room.

* * *

"So...you're a virgin."  
"I think we've had this conversation far too many times in the last year."  
"You're seventeen, and you have no prospects. I'm pretty sure the bible talks about exorcisms if you get this far in life with virginity intact."  
" Because the church is really the leading force in the Pro-Premarital Sex Act...right?"  
"Exactly."  
"I think you're parents should have you enrolled in the Remedial school."  
"Not nice, Roxy."  
"The truth hurts."  
"The fact that you can't get laid has clearly made you bitter."  
"I'm not bitter."  
"Yes. You are. And you're probably going to remain bitter forever. Join the church now, maybe people will think it's because you actually want to embrace God and not because you have zero chance, ever, of getting screwed."  
"I could totally get laid anytime."

"I could."  
"Wanna bet?"  
"Yeah!"  
"'Kay. You can't lose your virginity by the time you turn eighteen. No strippers or hookers or other 'loose' women."  
"Who said I liked women?"  
"...wait...what?"  
"uhm...surprise!"  
"I know you're thinking 'Ohmygod. He has a crush on me ahhh! He's probably imagined me naked...AH! he's fucking seen me naked!' But I don't like you like that. You really aren't as attractive as you think you are, Axel."  
"Okay fine, revise. The person who rams it up your secret place cannot be paid for their services, they have to want to. Kay?"  
"Deal."

* * *

_Ring. Ring_.  
"ughhg...hullo?"  
"HIYA ROXY! STILL A VIRGIN?!"  
"IT IS FOUR IN THE FUCKING MORNING YOU ASSHAT!"  
"I'll take that as a yes?"  
_Click._

* * *

"Hey, Roxas. Can I ask you a serious question?"  
"...sure."  
"When was the last time you had something inside your bottom?"

"Oh, that's right. Never."  
"Fucking moron..."  
"At least I'm not a virgin."  
"...you are such a fucking asshole."  
"I know. It's what gets me through the day."  
"Fuck you."  
"No thanks."

"I don't know whats wrong with me. Even before this idiotic bet started I couldn't get him out of my mind. And since then it's been getting worse and worse. I mean, I know that I seriously need to find somebody or else he'll _win_. But the problem is the only person I want is the fucking idiot. What can I do?"  
"Give up all hope and join the convent?"  
"I hope you die, Demyx."  
"No you don't. You'd miss me. And you'd have to let Zexion live on your couch and I don't think you'd enjoy the three AM sounds of him touching himself as much as I did...then again maybe if you kill me fast enough he could be seduced into sleeping with you. Maybe if you exploit his grief..."  
"No honestly, if you ever get the urge to piss off a moose or skip around naked while singing show tunes in the middle of a gang war, go right ahead. I won't stop you."

"You only have a month. What are you going to do?"  
"...I dunno."  
"Maybe you should tell him how you feel...?"  
"Maybe you should give up sex with Zexion for a month."  
"I see your point."

"Zexy, what should I tell him? It's so impossible."  
"...I have no idea what you're talking about, Dem. Clarify?"  
"Roxas and Axel had a bet that Roxas would be a virgin for eternity but then Roxas was all whatever but then he's all 'ohmygodaxelissofine' and so he's all wanting Axel but Axel is all Axel and Roxas won't tell him and he's going to lose but I don't think he has to because Axel so wants him too...I think."  
"You're intuition is astounding when compared to your intellect."  
"Huh?"  
"Axel wants to pound Roxas so hard he won't be able to walk properly for a month, idiot."  
"Eeeee! I was right!"  
"...Wow."

"Roxas...what's wrong, kid? You look like shit."  
"Fuck you."  
"I wish."  
"What?"  
"...I fish."  
"Fish?"  
"With my Grandpa...in a boat...near...water...with...fish."  
"Riight."  
"Anyways, what's up with you? You look depressed."  
"...it's complicated."  
"Explain?"  
"No!"  
"Why?"  
"I can't. You might hate me."  
"Why would I hat—"

"...did you just kiss me?"  
"Maybe."  
"Do it again?"

"So...you won the bet. What do you want your reward to be?"  
"Shut up and kiss me."  
"Deal."

Short. But I like it.  
It's currently ten at night and my internet is down because my stepfather is an asswipe :(  
This was kind of a challenge to write completely in dialogue, yet also really easy.  
This idea started with me watching a poker tournament on TV and someone being all 'place your bets' or something. And then one thing led to another and Axel and Roxas had a bet on Roxas' virginity. Originally it was meant to be long and with much detail and well...it didn't happen that way. I like it better like this though. I hope you like it too :)  
This is not connected in any way with It's Nothing, Really. It is its own storyline and maybe I'll do another one about Zexion and Demyx's couch...hmmm?  
For those of you who may be confused: Axel lost the bet. Many many times. Not that either of them were complaining, if you catch my drift ;)  
Anyways, before my author's note gets longer then my story  
Cheers,  
Erica  
Ps. Please review, it really does mean a lot to me and it really makes me want to write more

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